Sunday, December 21, 2014

Illness and fear

You know, I wasn't even sure if I should post this here or my other blog, Life or Something Like it.  But I finally decided this is where it belongs.  Back at Thanksgiving, Porthos came to me with swollen lymph nodes and no other symptoms, at that time.  The next day I scheduled an appointment with the doctor for the following Monday.  I want...I need to say how scared I was nearly three weeks ago when I first took him to the doctor. After an initial examination and some questions, the doctor tells me that he is ordering some blood work.  He wants to be conservative in ruling things out.  As he talks, I can tell what he is not saying, but rather skirting around. 
 Because of the lymph nodes, I know the doctor was screening him for lymphoma. Waiting those couple of days to get the test results back, and then a full week before getting the complete results back, were excruciating. Never have I face the fear of one of my children having cancer. Wow, I said it. That has been such a difficult, if not impossible word to say all month. 
 The first results came in indicating two viruses, and negative for mono.  White blood cell counts were good, so no current fear for that word that even he could not say.  It was like Harry Potter in medical terms.  He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  Then when I took Athos in for a heart check (he's fine), the Doctor tells me that he did further screening on Porthos and found Epstein-Barr virus and Cytomegalovirus, both becoming mononucleosis. 
Now I look at my son, and see him smile even though he is tired all the time. Part of me aches for him, because he is usually such an active boy. Part of me is doing a silent happy dance because of what it is not. I worry about the long-term effects, but I am thankful that he has a long-term.  In the middle of all of this I am thankful that we made the decision early this year to homeschool.  I am personally familiar with mono and how it can drag on for weeks and months.  The idea of sending my son to school every day with no energy is not one that appeals to me.  
As I am learning more about EBV and CMV, I am learning that it remains in your system for life and can resurface at any time.  I think that plans I had for their school year will begin to change quite a bit in order to fit his needs.  Play it by ear, I suppose.  Perhaps in a few weeks he will be all better and we will simply continue on with little to no change.  Maybe we will have to adjust to shorter learning days and focus on what he can handle on any given day.  I don't know.  Maybe I am just over-thinking this.  Never the less, I am so blessed to be here with my sons, and them here with me.